NP clinical rotation…

My preceptor is nice but the clinical site that I am is all together foreign to me. One nurse who is in intensive care unit who have been in icu for so many years told me to go butt in and starting ordering stuff. I just keep quit and mum. He does not know that I am afraid because I lack the medical knowledge and I have no clinical experience in an intensive care unit (ICU).  I felt so out of place and I felt so inadequate. I felt that I am just a canvass every time I come and I felt that I am not learning. I have so many questions  but I felt that my preceptor is not open to answering. I ask him if I can observe how he does clinical precodures like arterial lines, endotracheal tube, and etc..and he told me, view it in youtube…seeing it done in actuality is better than a pseudo-environment right…This is hard than I thought, if you a got a preceptor who left you for hours and not even discuss on how to manage patients and willing to share their tricks of the trade. I am literally, crawling on my first clinical rotation and it does not help that the staff seems to be not that welcoming.

I literally blew up yesterday and today’s clinical rotation because I was absent. i felt that I am suffering from a post-traumatic syndrome that just thinking of seeing my preceptor and the clinical site wants me to vomit. I should have head my clinical experience counselor that I should have chosen a preceptor that I know and work closely to avoid clash in personality and demeanor. I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO QUIT! I need advice for those who have experience the same situation as I am. HELP…