The topic of sunset at daytime is a befitting conversation for people like myself who wants to sleep until late afternoon. My alternate reality of orange yellowish musky color of sunsent beckons me into a lullaby of peaceful and quiet drift into deep undisturbed sleep.
My favorite poem below…a very common and may be so passe but it still affects and helps me to keep going…the line “rest if you must, but don’t you quit” is apt for what I feel right now.
“The journey has ended…if the path points to unparalleled doubts, self-conflict, and a voiceless distraught… where the world around you is deaf, mute, and blind” – C-E
To the outside world, they see me as the “cool chick” and not easily affected by what is happening around me. I have no time to be really affected by what the world has to offer because I am so wrapped around my own reality of cyclic on and off switch persona. My off switch, my personal life, is so chaotic. I guess, you could it could be a making of a mini-drama series. I have never formed my own identity. Even in high school, I do not know what I wanted. I grew up in a VERY MATRIARCHAL family. My perception is my mom is always right, so to have no conflict, one must always agree for the sake of family stability. Her voice became my voice. I grappled with what I wanted to be, who am I, and what I really wanted to do with my life. In 1992, I enrolled in nursing because it was supposed to be a pathway to medical school. Frankly, I never imagined myself wearing a white uniform and white caps like Florence Nightingale nor I imagined myself working in nursing or medical field because I felt at that time because I thought I have neither a nurturing or caring attitude flowing through my veins. When one has no idea what road to take, you end in a road that you seem like you are just floating wherever it takes you, so I floated in the nursing profession.
Second year of nursing school, I told my parents that I wanted to switch to a different course. I wanted to transfer to accounting. The reason was quite funny, it’s because I do not like to do bedmaking. I felt that nurses are reduced to making a perfect bed with MITERED corners (which by the way, I haven’t done for seems like eons ago). Fortunately, my mom told me that I should finish what I have started and plus the fact my parents are the one supporting my schooling. In hindsight, I owe it to her that there is one thing that I was able to finish up to the end because after college, I have the habit of just starting and not finishing anything. After graduation, I sporadically applied to different hospitals in my home country. The nursing jobs that I applied for, I usually get it but most of the time, I only stayed in those jobs for about 1-4 months then I quit. The common denominator was I was a perfectionist and I made some mistakes ergo, I felt like I am not for the nursing profession. I lack the passion, or shall I say my passion meter was close to NIL. On the site note, working in World Citi Medical Center has helped me regain my curiosity for nursing and helped shaped my clinical skills. It is befitting to say that the staff at World Citi at that time was eager to teach fresh graduates and devoid of ego-tripping as well as the concept of the “senior vs. junior mentality”.
First job: Makati Medical Center2nd job: Medical City3rd job: World Citi Length of service: 1 month Length of service: 4 mos. Length of service: 6 mos.
This is how to do the MITERED corners in bed making
My story, my dilemma, my struggles, and my situation is not unique and could be the same as millions of people in this planet. I am not proficient or well versed with the English language, so if you find any imperfections with my writing, feel free to give me a buzz and I’ll gladly take it. Here I am, writing something that is so personal and I do not know what is my end goal of doing this…thus I am in a very conflicted state and this BLOG is my other form of escape.
I am on a downward spiral and this state is a culmination of my choices, my reaction, my habits, and my personality. I used to be able to handle my DUAL PERSONA. The SWITCH that I have become accustomed to is now creating huge cracks on my well constructed life. On the outset including work and friends, my ON- switch, I am a person who projects the nice girl aura, optimistic, easy to get a long with, accommodating, and enjoys to problem solve. On the inset, my personal life, my OFF-switch, my laundry is piling up, my house is in total disarray, my backyard has grown weeds, and I can sleep or read my romance novel, one book after another on days end. My laziness and my reading has become my escape to what confronts me with the “REALITIES OF MY LIFE”.
Preciouse-Books is one source of my escape..where I can read my Tagalog e-book romance novels.